Let’s look at shame and why it holds such power over the individual.

Shame is a hardwired reaction within the nervous system that stops behavior that would get us into trouble with our family or community.

When we have done something wrong we may feel guilty about what we have done. The difference with shame is that we believe that we are wrong.

Shame makes us question our self-worth & makes us feel bad about who we are as a person.

Shame is sometimes there because of the conditioning we have received, which taught us to believe that we are wrong or broken in some way.

Shame can also rear its head when our choices from the past come back & reignite the feelings that we are wrong.

What Happens In The Body.

Shame is an insidious emotion that often involves secrecy, along with a fear of being seen or heard & blocks expression of who you truly are. It is also a fear of being found out by others.

That can feel like this.

A posture of submission, poor eye contact, hanging head.

Throat constricts stopping you from speaking out about what you are being shamed for.

Muscles freeze or collapse stopping you from doing what it is you are being shamed for.

Feel Nausea.

Feeling vulnerable & uncomfortable.

Want to hide or disappear.

Forgive Your Past Self.

This may look like writing letters to your younger self and forgiving all of the mistakes you have made in your life that are still having a hold over you.

Release yourself from the grips of past relationships and situations by forgiving how you responded. You do not need to make your forgiveness about anyone else if you don’t want to.

once you have made a list you can stand in front of a mirror, look into your eyes and say “I forgive you for xxx”

Feel Into Your Triggers

Start to bring your awareness to what triggers your feelings of shame. This can be really hard (as we are taught to avoid and bury difficult feelings). This will take some practice.

Begin to notice how you react to pain.

Did someone say something which made you feel vulnerable?

Where you caught up in thoughts of old stories which made you feel shameful?

Were you dismissed or rejected and that reminded you of a childhood experience?

Observe Your Body

Notice what is happening within your body by tapping into all of the sensations you are feeling at the time of the trigger.

Do you feel hot or cold?

Does your skin feel clammy?

Do you feel tightness anywhere in your body?

How are you breathing?

How is your vision?

Do any of your muscles feel weak?

Observe all of these sensations and begin to send your breath into all of the uncomfortable places within.

Catch And Correct Your Toxic Self Talk

When you catch your own self-destructive thoughts simply stop yourself at the moment by saying out loud CHANGE.

Ask yourself is this really true?

Is this something you honestly believe about yourself or are you merely protecting yourself from potential rejection?

Make a list of all the things you tell yourself when you make a mistake, catch your reflection, when falling into old habits, when someone calls you out or insults you.

Then practice telling yourself something different.

Release The Tension In Your Body

Here are a few ways to release chronic tension from the body.

Infrared sauna.

Breathwork.

Yoga.

Dynamic Meditation (see Osho active meditations)

Have a hot bath with Epsom salts.

Stretch your body.

Get a massage.

Write it out.

Listen to some soothing music and light some candles.

Go for a gentle walk in nature.

Accept Acts Of Kindness

Shame is often linked with feelings of unworthiness. To correct and change this thought process try the following.

Allow yourself to receive without feeling the need to give back.

Accept compliments from others without feeling obliged to return them.

Allow others to help or support you with something that you are finding difficult.

All you need to do in terms of paying it back is to say thank you.

Celebrate Yourself

Understand that you incarnated onto this earth as a unique being with your own individual journey. There is no one else like you.

Share your talents and gifts with someone that you trust.. eg a poem you wrote, a drawing you created, a flower arrangement you intuitively made, a song you wrote or learned. A new skill you just mastered or something you created from scratch.

Make friends with yourself by writing thirty things you would like to say to your body. Forgive, celebrate & appreciate all the things that make up who you are.

Please let me know how this made you feel? If you would like to receive support in healing your uncomfortable emotions please email me for a free consulation.